Everyone’s talking secession these days, at least here in the south, where too many pond swimmers get that brain-devouring amoeba. In the spirit of things, we’ve decided we’re going to break off from Person County, and establish our own mini-state under the guise of a corporation: Global Venom®. It’s a strange name for a country, but a good idea for a billboard to prop up out by the road to discourage visitors.
Here’s our national anthem.
The opening verse is spoken by one of the guys from the Moody Blues, or Leonard Nimoy. Then it plunges directly into Holst’s “Jupiter”.

Spoken: You don’t look like our private Idahoan
You’d make screechy noises with our Violin D’Ingres
You don’t know the words to our secret Zen Koan
You’re a cabbage, and we’ll slaw you while we sing this S’Ingres:

Now sing this part:
Global Venom® is a snake farm
In the boonies, far away.
We milk snakes from human kindness
Pints of toxins. Every day.

Some will save the hemophiliac
some will save the bumbling child
Chances are, though, if you trespass
You’ll die screaming in the wild.

Global venom® is a happy place
where the vipers bask in sun
for intruders it’s a crappy place
Neurotoxins are not fun!

So feel free to leave your messages
in the mailbox by the fence
But be careful, it’s a favorite haunt
of the brooding fer-de-lance!

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