Person County’s landfill is already being heaped with the byproducts of Duke Energy’s shareholder profit generators on the Dan and Hyco Rivers, so what better time to discuss the county’s broad bipartisan rejection of the idea that we are solely a repository of trash.

Last Thursday, Duke Energy sent team B of its Cover Your Ass department to explain that the leaks from its cost containment systems cheapass coal ash ponds on the Dan river made them very sorry, and as a measure of regret for whatever injuries they may have visited upon the environment and the populace, they were willing to donate even more coal ash to the Flat River, lake Michie watershed.

Arsenic, selenium, strontium, cadmium and beryllium are all part of nature, they said, and they were going to add some more nature to our nature, making it even more natural, exponentially.

They sent an upper management office shuttlecock/ bimbo with dyed blond hair in a blue dress to deliver this message, because everyone knows that the yokels can’t resist a piece of totty dolled up for a night of blow and tequila shots at the 42nd Street Oyster Bar. They might even imagine her offering succor as their children are diagnosed with leukemia, or a citrus sized malignancy straddling the base of their optic nerves. The fact she’ll head off afterwards to dull her conscience with the purest Peruvian flake is inconsequential, cause she purty.

But man, was she shaking like a dog spitting a whole bag of hastily chewed disposable razors out its ass. One got the sense she only half believed the shit she was ordered to feed the rubes at this “INFORMATION SESSION ONLY” and instead of hitting the club, she might actually be on her way to her home in Person County that she loves with the boundless love of anyone forced to locate here because all the good office floozy jobs in Cary have been snapped up by younger, more athletic women, who know how to tie more than a granny knot, and haven’t started ironing life’s irritating contradictions flat with a handful of oxycodone and a Big Gulp of Myer’s rum. In fact, before she was even through speaking, she was given a shoulder, and a hearty assist from another Duke Energy employee, who held her trembling arm and assured the rabble that Duke Energy would continue to be as transparent as they have ever been, and he didn’t mean “transparent” like a transparent carpetbagging piece of gel-haired grifting Cary trash, but “transparent’ like one of those little amber vials of cocaine he tooted up before this fucking dog and pony show.

I was going to try and sum up the Duke Energy portion of the presentation, but that was before I read this excellent summation and prebuttal (emphasis on buttal) of it by Duke Energy employee and spokesperson Republican candidate for county commissioner Tracey Kendrick, who has not used any of his shut-up money for remedial English, and never will.

‘Oh but wait, there is more to this story’
To the editor:
It is and has been no secret that I am an employee of Duke Energy.
I will not apologize nor try to explain the coal ash spill. Duke Energy, DENR, EPA and the Coast Guard are working on the spill and the cleanup. I will leave the comments related to the spill to experts who are working on it.
My employment, as Mrs. Blalock commented, doesn’t create a conflict.
You see, I am a resident of Person County too. I am concerned about my environment and the health of all of our residents.
A conflict would be me influencing Person County for the benefit of Duke. Me simply stating my position on an issue, doesn’t become a grand conspiracy.
I don’t recall anyone questioning Mrs. Blalock’s integrity when dealing with issues related to education from which she retired.
You see, I give credit to people’s integrity, rather than question it.
That being said, I would like to tell you how I really feel about the landfill and our environmental issues here in Person County.
The landfill is a business and it employs people in our county as well as providing a service that each county resident uses.
It was licensed, permitted and approved for use in our county.
I often hear comments about the landfill bringing trash from outside the county.
Because the landfill is a business, they do contract to bring in a product and dispose of it here.
We as residents benefit from low dump rates because of that business’s sound principles and disposing of other counties’ trash.
The landfill business is not glorified and pretty like other industries, but it is a necessity in today’s world. They make the investment, they follow the rules and laws that apply to their industry and they dispose of our trash.
Oh but wait, there is more to this story.
Now that I have told you both stories, I recycle and I approve of the landfill. I want you to do your homework. Don’t take my word for it.
The city has a garbage collection operation for residents and commercial customers.
Who is one of the largest customers of city solid waste disposal? That is right, you guessed it, the recycling center.
Taxpayers of the county, not only are you paying millions for the facility, you are paying dump fees for items that can’t be recycled — items that people drop at the center that can’t be reused or resold.
You see, there typically is more than one side to the story.
Let’s work together and make sound business decisions for our county. Let intellectual decisions work with our emotional decisions for every resident of the county.
Our county needs leaders who will look at the overall picture and not just a singular focus with personal agendas. Environment is very important to all of us, but it has become a tired old song and dance for people who have no answers to advance economic, environmental, industrial development in our county.