The brain trust behind the Person County Republican Party, the woman behind the men Swamp Tater Yarborough and Kyle “cloud of flaming ethanol” Puryear has done sat right down and wrote her own self a letter in her own inimitable tongue for the Roxboro Swap & Shop Courier Times with an eye to enlightening us to the shortcomings of peer reviewed science as opposed to her “The bestest science is the science I believe!” science.

It was a good day for her. She found the box containing the crayons and large yellow pencil and set to work putting some words down in a vaguely recognizable syntactical simulacrum. It was like a vanilla frosted cake of Republican words, and she barely managed to get it in the mailbox afore she slipped up and eat it. Again.

When she’s not busy texting Kyle at the County Commissioners’ meetings to help him appear more cogent than his alcoholic haze might otherwise suggest, PJ Gentry is combing the pages of townhall.com and the NRO online for the hard sciences they’re less known for, as opposed to the race science they’re infamous for. And it’s done give her the fantods how much sciencing is going on with a rebel yell.

I’ll let her take it from here, because it would be a dirty shame to steal what little thunder she could squeeze onto that large margined paper. My only critique would be that it is a far easier thing to write using a hand than a foot, but that’s more of a style over substance issue.

‘Let’s continue to be good stewards of the resources we have’
To the editor:
In a recent letter, a resident wrote of concerns about the news headlines in the N&O about Medicaid cuts, harmful fracking practices, and global warming and I decided to investigate those claims.

I have an associate’s degree in claim investigatin’ from The University of What Scientists Don’t Want You To Know. I keep it in a box with my crayons and my yaller pencil.

First, the N&O is known to be a liberal, progressive news organization, promoting socialist ideology.

If that liberal progressive socialist Art Pope don’t start exercising some control over his paper it’s like to go full communist fascist muslin!

Here is what else I discovered:
• Expanding the current Medicaid program would cost the state $3.1 billion over the next 10 years. This would also have to be paid back. The conservative leadership in N.C. opted to not take out the loan and burden the citizens with higher taxes and is looking for alternative solutions.

Editor’s note: Ahem, dumbfuck. We’re paying that money anyway. Your genius teamonkey state legislature just gave our federal taxes to other states who were only too happy to take it. I repeat. We paid those taxes so your teatard legislature could throw a shit fit and give that money away. Kentucky’s Medicare Exchange is enjoying the hell out of our money! If I were you, I would avoid any further discussion of this because it makes you appear even stupider. You might want to google KYNECT for old Kyle so he don’t look as drunk.

• Fracturing fluid is 99.5 percent water, 9.5 percent sand, 0.5 percent sodium chloride (table salt), ethylene glycol (used in household cleaners), borate salts (used in cosmetics), sodium/ potassium carbonate (used in detergents), guar gum (used in ice cream, isopropanol (used in deodorant).

This isn’t fracking fluid! It’s Kyle Puryear and Swamp Tater Yarborough’s “corn likker sweet-em-up”.

Here’s a list of (some of) the constituent chemicals in fracking fluid:
Chemical Name / Purpose
2-Butoxyethanol / Product stabilizer
Acetaldehyde / Prevents the corrosion of the pipe
Acetic Acid / Adjusts the pH of fluid to maintains the effectiveness of other components, such as crosslinkers
Acetic Acid / Prevents precipitation of metal oxides
Ammonium Persulfate / Allows a delayed break down of the gel
Borate Salts / Maintains fluid viscosity as temperature increases
Boric Acid / Maintains fluid viscosity as temperature increases
Calcium Chloride / Product Stabilizer
Choline Chloride / Prevents clays from swelling or shifting
Citric Acid / Prevents precipitation of metal oxides
Copolymer of Acrylamide and Sodium Acrylate / Prevents scale deposits in the pipe
Ethanol / Product stabilizer and winterizing agent (right, Kyle?)
Ethylene Glycol / Product stabilizer or winterizing agent
Formic Acid / Prevents the corrosion of the pipe
Glutaraldehyde / Eliminates bacteria in the water
Guar Gum / Thickens the water in order to suspend the sand
Hydrochloric Acid / Helps dissolve minerals and initiate cracks in the rock
Hydrotreated Light Petroleum Distillate / Carrier fluid for polyacrylamide friction reducer
Hydrotreated Light Petroleum Distillate / Carrier fluid for guar gum in liquid gels
Hydrotreated Light Petroleum Distillate / Carrier fluid for borate or zirconate crosslinker
Isopropanol / Product stabilizer or winterizing agent
Lauryl Sulfate / Used to increase the viscosity of the fracture fluid
Lauryl Sulfate / Used to prevent the formation of emulsions in the fracture fluid
Magnesium Oxide / Allows a delayed break down of the gel
Magnesium Peroxide / Allows a delayed break down of the gel
Methanol / Product stabilizer or winterizing agent (WRONG,KYLE!)
Naphthalene / Carrier fluid for the active surfactant ingredients
Petroleum Distillate / Carrier fluid for borate or zirconate crosslinker
Petroleum Distillate / Carrier fluid for guar gum in liquid gels
Petroleum Distillate / Carrier fluid for polyacrylamide friction reducer
Phosphonic Acid Salt / Prevents scale deposits in the pipe
Polyacrylamide / Slicks the water to minimize friction
Polysaccharide Blend / Thickens the water in order to suspend the sand
Potassium Carbonate / Adjusts the pH of fluid
Potassium Hydroxide / Adjusts the pH of fluid
Potassium Metaborate / Maintains fluid viscosity as temperature increases
Quaternary Ammonium Chloride / Eliminates bacteria in the water
Sodium Carbonate / Adjusts the pH of fluid
Sodium Chloride / Prevents clays from swelling or shifting
Sodium Chloride / Product Stabilizer
Sodium Erythorbate / Prevents precipitation of metal oxides
Sodium Hydroxide / Adjusts the pH of fluid
Sodium Polycarboxylate N/A Prevents scale deposits in the pipe
Sodium Tetraborate / Maintains fluid viscosity as temperature increases
Tetrakis Hydroxymethyl-Phosphonium Sulfate / Eliminates bacteria in the water
Tetramethyl ammonium chloride / Prevents clays from swelling or shifting
Thioglycolic Acid / Prevents precipitation of metal oxides
Triethanolamine Zirconate / Maintains fluid viscosity as temperature increases
Zirconium Complex / Maintains fluid viscosity as temperature increases
……………………………………………………

But the North Carolina Senate has outlawed disclosure of the full list of compounds and chemicals contained in fracking fluid, because, move along, there’s nothing to see here, folks*.

*Except the fact that Duke Energy owns them like a 200 dollar a night hooker.

• Over the last 150 years, oceans have been rising at a rate of 0-12 inches per century (NASA 2007). The Antartic icecap, which is 90 percent of the earth ice mass is growing (U of A 2011-12).

Science doesn’t come from your ass, bimbo.
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/13/science/earth/collapse-of-parts-of-west-antarctica-ice-sheet-has-begun-scientists-say.html?_r=0

Carbon dioxide, CO2, is an invisible, odorless, colorless gas and industrial emissions are only about three percent of the natural land/sea emission (satellite data).

And Cyanide tastes like almonds and peach blossoms! huff you some! Just kidding. Whatever they tell you at townhall.com, honey, don’t drive to work with a block of dry ice (CO2) in your car. It will odorlessly and tastelessly end your dumpy little life.
http://ocean.nationalgeographic.com/ocean/critical-issues-ocean-acidification/

In 2009 Gore stated, “The sun and wind were free.” So, why does the government give our tax money to companies to produce sun and wind power?

I’ll just leave this here:

The scientific community is split on issues of global warming and from what I can ascertain from reviewing several scientific periodicals and viewpoints, I just don’t buy into the global warming mantra.

Stop. Just stop. You have already demonstrated a fundamental lack of awareness of how peer reviewed science works. Unless you intend to visit a hospital for a leech phlebectomy when your arsenic tainted water gives you an orange sized mass in your skull, shut up. Peer reviewed science gave us germ theory, antibiotics, modern nutrition, meteorology, diagnostics…

You’re either suffering from pellagra from eating improperly prepared grits, or you’re caught in a negative feedback loop of right wing shit-eating. You’re only hurting yourself.

In 1970, it was predicted we would be in the next ice age, “by 1985, because air pollution will have reduced the amount of sunlight reaching the earth by one half.” (Time Magazine 1970).
Scientists can make predictions and use models to support their theories, but that does not mean that the models or the theories are correct.

Well there goes the We didn’t come from no monkeys. argument

Technology and access to economical energy have made this nation a pillar of economic growth and opportunity for millions.

Except in Person County, where a handful of carpetbaggers have enriched themselves at the behest of many, many easily gulled wishful thinkers who have internalized the shit don’t stink, fire don’t burn philosophy of Ronald Reagan.

Without either we would still be enjoying the quality of life from 1870, which was prior to the to the introduction of the electric light.

In the 1870s you were far less likely to have a tumor rot off your lower jaw or grow into the pulmonary artery and asphyxiate you slowly and painfully, but you were stupid then, too. So as quality of life issues go, it’s a tossup.

Remember the last ice storm and not having power for several days? Imagine that as a continuous way of living.

If we don’t develop solar, the increase in climate change driven severe weather events will leave us shivering in the darkness when Duke Energy’s power lines get knocked down? Is that what you mean? If not, you’re an asshole.

So before we buy into frightening tactics and wacky science predictions, let’s continue to be good stewards of the resources we have and yet continue to find new and better ways to keep these resources available and affordable.

Says pro Amendment One teabag illiterate…

P.J. GENTRY
Hurdle Mills

Chairdouche, Person County Republican Party.

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