Lumpy capsule of wet starch Larry “Yazoo Yam” Yarborough, formerly known around these parts as “Swamp Tater” because I mistook him for a Louisianan as opposed to where he actually washed up from, the asswaters of America’s Least Educated state, has done took up a willow shoot dipped in the black alluvial mud of his ancestral bed (or more likely his ass) and wrote another thing.

Larry don’t often write a thing, and when he writes one, you can see why. The straight letters come easy enough, but the curvy ones is tricky, and when you string them together you can get yourself a motherfucker of a wind knot. This one’s done wrapped around his neck and cut off his air supply, and as everyone knows, even a yam needs aeration to keep from turning into a puddle of rot.

Like every Republican before or after him, Larry believes history is in a place in his ass that he can access with one or more fingers and dig it out like a half digested peanut of truth. If he can restrain himself from swallowing that peanut long enough to put it in an envelope, he’ll mail it to the Roxboro Courier Times and they’ll dutifully tweeze it out and heliograph it for posterity.

Why, here’s one of those dookie peanuts now:
Reading the “Voices of the Community” editorial on Wednesday, I find some things that I agree with and want to let you know. He is right that the poor and needy come in all shades, races, genders and sizes. He is also right that both liberals and conservatives want freedom, justice and as few people suffering as possible.

But we must make that suffering as deep and intolerable as possible by every means available to our admittedly medieval Republican imaginations. Also, the “justice” thing gets overused sometimes. It’s not like you can really let blacks or poor whites off on a technicality for driving while too drunk to walk. That’s only for my friend Kyle Puryear and the next moneyed Republican with the brass to get behind the wheel pissed to the eyeballs. You want to talk freedom, talk to Kyle. He’ll never see a day in jail for weaponizing one of his daddy’s cars.

We can all agree that we need a safety net to provide the basics of life to our most vulnerable and government can provide that.

As your State representatve, I have worked tirelessly to make sure that vulnerable corporations can safely sweep up your tax dollars to provide the basics they need: A ready source of potable water to foul, a labor pool sufficiently miseducated to take dangerous jobs with minimal compensation, and a little extra so they can slip me a couple of twenties for some buffet liquor and side coochie.

We all agree that government should provide crime free streets and educational opportunity for all, as well as protecting civil liberties and human rights.

But what we disagree on is whose civil liberties get protected, who’s the criminal, and who’s entitled to civil liberties. It’s really mostly a matter of skin tone, and the ability to produce a fistful of twenties (see above). This is why I ran a racist campaign, and continue to try and pitch a dogwhistle, even though I’m an obvious Jim Crow advocate of the filthiest water.

Overall we have done a very good job of providing these things to our most needy and there is no reason to talk about race, creed or religion when discussing the basic needs.

EDITOR: I’ll just leave this here:
Every enslaved prisoner wanted to “rise” at one point or another. Properly closed locks disabled that option. Cuffs bound hands, preventing attack or defense. Chains on men also made it harder for women to resist. Isolated from male allies, individual women were vulnerable. One night at a tavern in Virginia’s Greenbriar County, a traveler watched a group of traders put a coffle of people in one room. Then, wrote the traveler, each white man “took a female from the drove to lodge with him, as is the common practice.”
Ten year old enslaved migrant John Brown saw slave trader Sterling Finney and his assistants gang-rape a young woman in a wagon by a South Carolina road. The other women wept. The chained men sat silently
Remember, Larry Yarborough voted in favor of the bill to preserve monuments to Southern Treason. He is a racist and a traitor sympathizer to his starchy pink core.

The motto of our nation includes, “The Pursuit of Happiness.” We want people to have the opportunity to achieve more than the basic needs to survive.

This is why the Republican legislature and Governor have gutted education funding statewide, so the rest of the state can resemble Person County, NC in all its stunning poverty and illiteracy.

We should strive to help our poorest rise out of poverty and those living on the minimum and give them the opportunity to pursue happiness.

Elsewhere, obviously.

The free enterprise system is the only proven system that allows the largest number of people to pursue their own happiness.
Happiness cannot be found in a government check that provides basic needs. Happiness is found in faith, family and meaningful employment, the esteem of providing for oneself.

Just don’t pay any attention to the government checks that I have waited impatiently for, at my mailbox, the first of every month, for the entirety of my adult life.

The Pursuit of Happiness for all of our citizens is really the goal that we all have no matter what race, religion, or gender.

This is what we are fond of saying. Just ignore what we are actually doing.

Rep. Larry Yarborough
NC House of Representatives

*The Half Has Never Been Told: Slavery And The Making Of American Capitalism. Edward E. Baptist. p.25.