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“This article , will as others I have written, be condemned as recycled Deleuzian polemicism, and while that’s fine with me, I can both accept and not accept that this is an apperceptive unity until Every.Vote. Is.Counted. Put another way, you can have your New York Magazine and your nightclubs; you can have your drive in picture show; I’ll stay here with a little univocity near, biding my time watching Bernie’s stable delegate identities grow.


Some people are going to say, “But Stephanie, Sanders would have to capture 68% of the remaining delegates and wrestle a Burmese python in a pit of starved alligators rigged with explosives to get remunerative janitorial work at the convention.” To which I say, as I always have, stop calling me Stephanie, Dad.


Factors that could affect the margins of error for the vote totals this far out ahead of other vote totals and subsequent superdelegate allocations to the likeliest univocal candidate include: Sanders winning California in a skydiving/monster truck rally scenario, Clinton being indicted or otherwise scarred by a still-pending Warren Commission report, Joe Biden entering the race a few days or weeks before the DNC Convention after he’s crossed the Snake River on a rocket propelled belly board; or any one of billions and billions of subatomic particles forming vast universe-wide strings that describe a Mandlebrot set of reverse circuitry that could somehow swing superdelegates against Hillary Clinton. What if her unfavorability rating finally inches up to 7000%? What if she goes the next two months without taking a shower or wearing shoes? What if her Wellesley transcripts finally get released, revealing that she never took a single class in contemporary literary theory? Are these far-fetched possibilities? Actually, given that I have a day job and someone gives me money, I say, let the vote totals reflect the optimizable Deleuzian sequelae.”