My wife and I gave money to this asshole Joe Parrish during the election and goddamn if I hadn’t rather sucked a turkey dick. The only thing that justified it is he was running against a stream of phlegm draining from a sow who’d just broken her plug, and by that I mean Larry Yarborough, and that’s a motherfucker of a generous comparison.

But Joe Parrish is a special little Breitbart-reading motherfucker whose love for Bernie Sanders was only eclipsed by his own Nazi ass inclinations.

He claims he’s asexual, which is the harbor of young white slugs who can’t get a dick because LACK OF PERSONALITY. I’ll tell you what asexual means in his case, because I’ve met his crazy ass folks. Asexual is an aspirational stance for these fuckers because perhaps even they know they SHOULD NOT TOUCH BODY PARTS EVER, AGAIN.

It still rankles me that I saw these fuckers sucking down cookies and drinks that we bought for Democrats. I’d mail them a bill, but a more concrete plan is when I see Joe Parrish in public again, I will give him the narrowest of windows to beat my ass.